I get weak

I have always been a planner in my head, a wonder woman in my own eyes ( If we use the definition of wonder which means the desire to know).  I have always wanted to be better but too lazy to do anything about my life. I have lived in my head and allowed many opportunities to pass. I have also blamed so much on my crooked past. I had previously believed that my past is what defined the mess in my life and ultimately what defines me.  Sitting down daily with my mental checklist I never get to is a waste of time.

Recently, I was cornered with the reality that when we neglect the gifts and the use of our talents or brains we basically disappoint God who made us for excellence. When I started college I was so excited about the new information I was getting which inspired a change of heart and the boldness to write. I yielded to the desire to focus and nudge to express myself with words even though I am still no good. I was still running away, like a coward, from conversations with intellectuals because I thought that reading and being aware of the things around me was against God. After all, that was how we were socialized to think. Hence, I believe that God actually stepped in and showed me a more excellent way.

I realized that all the knowledge I gained and all the reading I put in dissipate because I get weak. It leaves because I don’t use it because I don’t follow the mental checklist because I wasn’t diligent but instead I was a sluggard and because I keep going back to my comfort zone.  But today I am aspiring to overcome these weaknesses and to be a tower of strength for myself and others.

This is because in order to change my life I have to start at my daily routines and decisions daily.



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